Bad Day

Feelings are not right or wrong. They just are.

I have been having a series of “bad day’s” lately. As I have mentioned before, for me, writing it all down helps. So, rather than continuing to bottle it all up to the point where it becomes the heavy weight I’m dragging around, I am going to write about it. I am going to describe my “bad day’s” as best I can without sounding like a complete and utter melt. So bare with me because that might very well be harder than it seems…

I’m happy that my “bad day’s” are less frequent now in comparison to what they were. I’m happy that everyone has them because there is nothing worse than feeling like the only one. But lately, I’m tired. And I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of feeling so overwhelmed with emotion and being unable to figure out a reason why. Of being unable to figure out which emotion I’m feeling because I’m feeling so many at once. I have had enough of the constant tension headache that I just can’t seem to shift. I have had enough of feeling so lethargic, so dull and slow. As this is how I have been feeling for a little over a few days now. I feel as though I have been living under a murky cloud. I haven’t wanted to really be around people and when I have it’s because I have used the little effort I have to push myself to interact and feel better. I have also been overcome with frustration because there is nothing I hate more than feeling like this. I wish I had an explanation. I wish I could pin point a reason.

I am hoping that after writing my last sentence I will feel a little lighter. One thing I know about myself and my emotions is that I am in complete control, I’m just a little forgetful sometimes. I haven’t been to work for a couple of days and I feel guilty and worse still, I miss not being there. The way I’m feeling recently though makes it difficult to speak to the people I love nevermind 50 strangers over the phone.

I’m in a weird place right now and even cleaning isn’t helping. I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m anxious all at the same time as having absolutely no idea why. I’m tired and feel like I could sleep for a week but I have been sleeping just fine. There are moments in between though, odd moments where I feel okay. Where I don’t feel as heavy. That’s how I know, this isn’t forever. This groggy black cloud surrounding me will leave just as quickly as it came. My feelings are not right and they are not wrong… they just are. I will try not to let guilt shadow my choice to take a few days to allow this mystery of feelings to happen.

Amongst all of the confusion I am still optimistic. And not to sound too much like Annie but, maybe the sun will come out tomorrow…

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