First dates

One thing I’ve recently decided about myself is the fact I’m a serial monogamist.

A serial monogamist is a person who loves being in love and is always in a relationship. It has its pros and cons. One pro of course is if your monogamous you don’t cheat on your partner’s. And who likes infidelity?

You want to know how I know I’m most definitely a serial monogamist? Well for starters, I form relationships easily. I find instant chemistry and I become easily smitten. However, sometimes I tend to commit too soon. Sometimes I lose a little of my own identity in doing so. Secondly, I hate dating. Well, I don’t mind the idea of dating but I prefer to be exclusive with one person. I’ve never bed hopped and probably never will. I enjoy the intimacy a relationship has to offer. I’ve recently tested the water and tried to date multiple people but I still find I’m only interested in one person. Thirdly, I’ve hardly (or never) been single. I was in a four year relationship once just because it was easier than moving out and leaving him. I wasn’t happy with this person but I hung around until I had found another reason to leave him and move on. Also I rarely go for quality in a relationship. I have a terrible habit of setting my expectations way too low, so in the beginning the chemistry is undeniable but it fizzles out. Since I don’t like being alone it’s inevitable that I put quality to one side, I need to be more selective. Finally, I’m a romantic. I’m not scared to admit it because it’s the truth. I believe in the notion of “true love” and being with one person for the rest of my life. If I can’t see the rest of my life with someone, I end things. I am actively seeking that one person. The person who is right for me. Every time I meet someone new I’m so sure it’s going to be them, that they’re “the one”. But then a new prospect comes along and the whole process starts all over again.

So yes, a serial monogamist is what I am. This leads us into the reason for this particular post, first dates. I had one recently. I can’t remember the last time before this that I’d had one. My last relationship blossomed from friendship so to meet someone completely brand new was scary. Okay and we met online. I wasn’t going to admit that but it’s 2018 and who gives a f**k?. Meeting him was fine, I had a good friend come with me just to make sure this man wasn’t a serial (I’m using this word a lot today) killer, she hung around for two drinks and made her excuses to leave, which is what we agreed if everything was going well. He was nice, he made decent conversation, he bought me a couple of drinks and he was polite (manners are a big). We even kissed. I had a really nice time and I enjoyed his company, all in all it was a pretty good first date. The second date (if you can even call it that) not so much. I saw I side to him I didn’t really like, I’ll not go into too much detail, but it became clear we had complete difference in opinions. We didn’t have a lot in common other than certain bands we both like and the fact he drank a lot of cider and black (something I did at 17). I’m sure he’s a great guy, just not the guy for me. (This was the weekend I mentioned in “there’s nothing a cocktail can’t fix”, not the bad date but the good one)

As I mentioned earlier I have tested the waters in dating multiple men at one time. I had a lot of conversations going on at once through all different social media platforms, all with different men wanting to get to know me or meet me. I was asked out for walks, drinks, Nando’s… I won’t lie, it was flattering. Trying to find someone I was genuinely interested in was proving difficult. Trying to find someone who wasn’t just after one thing, even harder. Why men send photos of their penis’s to women they have never met is beyond me. Welcome to the world of online dating. Something I was only experiencing for the first time at 23 and I had no idea what I was doing.

Finally, someone decided to open up a conversation with something other than “you any good at massages?”… And so maybe, just maybe there’s hope for me yet.

Thanks for reading x


3 thoughts on “First dates

  1. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY me and I have the therapy receipts to prove it HAHA! Great Article. I sat, with an amazing woman and literally said “ok so… aside from one explanation that I’m like a bad race horse; fast out of the gate but die off in the long hall…” please explain to me why, everything is great for awhile, and then a year (or two) later I find myself sitting across from this person I thought I wanted to be with and loved thinking “man.. why do I hate you?” after asking me some probing questions she said “well… I think quite simply that you just aren’t picky enough about them in the beginning. Once the novelty wears off you start to realize you have nothing in common, or he has a bad habit, or you have given up too much of yourself to be with him. set your standards higher to start with.” I LOVE you article 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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