Moving on

So a couple of days ago I posted my “one month later” and almost a week later I’m feeling so much better! This may sound crazy to you, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m just full of surprises.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and a lot of remembering. I’ve also realised a lot of valuable things. I realise that overall he wasn’t worth it. There were moments he made me really, really happy. But there were times he shut me out or shut down and stopped communicating. We might of had something really great and I’ll never forget the good times we had or how he was there for me. But, I’ll also never forget how he hurt me more than anyone I’ve ever known.

I have had to learn that it doesn’t matter how great he was in the beginning because in the end I cried every day. He took my heart – the heart I trusted him with – and tortured it. Even if it was unintended.

I’ve also realised he’s sorry. He’s sorry and I get that but being sorry doesn’t change the way I look at him now. It doesn’t change the way I feel about him now. Everyone has their limits and their boundaries. Everyone has their lines that, once you cross you can’t cross back over. He crossed that line.

I still have no regrets. I still stand by everything I have said or wrote previously. I have meant every word I have written so far but this past week or so something has shifted. Something have developed inside of me. Something has finally awoken within me. The thing is… I’m not sure what it is yet. One thing I do know is… I’m ready. I’m ready to continue living and move on. I’m ready to be alone and then meet someone new. I’m ready to realise, I do deserve better.

I’m ready to get my stuff back.

This post is for all the girls out there facing heartbreak. For all the girls yet to face heartbreak, even the girls who have conquered it already. We are strong. No, this isn’t where I’m going to pull my independent woman card and tell the world “I don’t need a man”. This is where I stand up and say “I don’t need him”.

Again I leave you with a quote. A quote from one of my favourite books and films, “Love, Rosie”. I am pretty sure this quote is from Rosie’s heartfelt speech to Alex on the day of his wedding, during the reception – “you deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of their heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re okay. You need someone to help you reach your dreams and protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who could make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy”.

If you ever have to fight for love then it’s already over, believe me. Cut your losses. And as hard as it is, walk away. With time, love burns out and turns to dust, which eventually blows away. If he wanted you, he would of chosen you.

I lost a lot of myself in the beginning, hoping and dreaming. I realise it wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t good for me. So this is me cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should of done at the very start. This is me, saying goodbye.

Thanks for reading x

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